New Hope
by Hopeful.Mockingjay
Summary: Post Mockingjay/Pre epilogue. Katniss is a shell of her former self, surronded by her past. Only one person can lighten her world, and he lives right next door. A story of how Katniss and Peeta "grow back together" My first Fanfic. All characters belong to Suzanne Collins. Reviews are appreciated!
1. The Woods

I sit here, in front of the fire, watching the flames rise and fall. I see them. _All of them_. Finnick getting torn apart by lizard mutts. Rue with a spear in her abdomen. And Prim. Burning into ashes when I try to reach for her.

There is one face that has always found its way into my dreams. Pulling my emotions in every direction until I can't comprehend what is happening. Peeta. The blue as deep as the ocean and the blond waves across his forehead. As I fall asleep, I dream he is there, but then the nightmares take their path and all I can see are his hands on my throat. I wonder if he still dreams of me as a mutt, clawing his eyes with razor sharp claws. If he still wants me dead. If his shiny memories from the capitol that he has because of me are still there. Or maybe if he wants me there beside him, with him. Could he have recovered? Want me there in his arms. But I always rule that out. Peeta doesn't want a girl so frail, weak, ugly, taken over by her fear. Let all of her nightmares swallow her whole until there isn't anything left.

Two weeks

It's been two weeks since I last saw Peeta. Since he planted the primroses by my house. Two weeks since the last time I saw my boy with the bread. Stupid. Why am I always so stupid? Peeta's not mine. He never will be. He doesn't want me. I don't need Peeta anyway.

Greasy Sae visits every day with her granddaughter. She makes breakfast and dinner. Trying to get me to eat, talk, take my medication, but I never do. I act like I can handle it and I manage to rise from my usual spot on the couch and sit there at the table with her. She seems surprised, even a little impressed with my new action. I stare at the dark, wood table, the wood curving and bending into different patterns. Taking a few bites of the stew in front of me.

She makes small talk about little things like the rebuilding which started a couple of days ago. About the few hundreds of people who have returned. A new Hob building up in the open space where it used to be. The town coming to life with building getting rebuilt in the center of town making a main street from the victors village to the center of District 12. But one topic catches my attention.

"Such a shame that we don't have any fresh game or bread, though" she hints

Other than the obvious of my absence of hunting fresh meat. I think of Peeta. He is still in solitude as well. He is plagued by dark shadows and nightmares, unable to recover, in the same situation as I am.

"He asked about you, child" she says, somehow knowing I would think of him. "He is still in bad shape; I can tell he misses you. He hasn't been baking. I don't know what he has been up to but I can tell he hasn't slept lately." I can't help but feel hope in the pit of my gut. Longing. "talk to him, girl" with that she cleans up leaves leaving me to think of what she said. I stare down at the table and trace the swirls and curves and bends. As soon as one gets too close they spread apart .I can't help but look at them and think about this is how I am being with Peeta. As soon as I think we are healing, we just go back away. _Not this time. _

We can have a new beginning. A new hope.

Just not yet.

I make my way down the hallway. Walk into the study where I once had my encounter with President Snow. The nightmares threaten to surface, but I push them down knowing I am strong enough to do so. I grab my bow and sheath of arrows out of the corner in which they have sat for the past weeks waiting for my use. I think of all the times I have hurt or killed someone with a bow and arrows and the thoughts begin to consume me.

That's until I remember Prim. She would want me to be happy. She put herself on the front lines to be like me. To be hero. And she was, now she would want me to live. I don't want to see her disapointed that I am wasting my life. I need to be strong for her.

With that in my head, I walk out towards the back door and let the fresh summer air embrace me. The birds are chirping and instinctively sing out the valley song, not even noticing it while I was walking towards the new gate to the woods.

The gate was put up shortly after people had starting arriving to District 12 again. They thought it would be good to keep the fence up to protect us from wild animals, from what I heard Greasy Sae mentioned.

I walk into the woods and almost immediatly feel relaxed. For the first time in months I feel calm, knowing that I am where I belong. I see squirrels scurry up their trees, birds flying high in the sky, it's like nothing has changed since I was last here. I sit down on the large rock that I used to sit on with Gale and I am reminded that things have changed. I am not the same Katniss that sat here almost three years ago. That Katniss is gone, never to be seen again. All that's left is the Mockingjay, the one that has survived despite the capitol's plan. The rotten girl who doesn't deserve to be happy, to enjoy life like many people can't. All because of me. I look out on the horizon and see a beautiful sunset with bright purple hues and soft oranges and can't help but wish Peeta was here to see it. Then it disapears and I am left in darkness. I am snapped back into reality when I hear a branch snap a couple yards away. That's when I see a wild dog aproaching me. I run back towards the gate as fast as my barely used legs will take me. The dog comes barreling towards me and is right on my heels when I know I can't run much longer. I hastily climb up a tree to my right and that's when the dog locks its jaw on my left heel. I scream and wince in pain and continue to climb with all my strength untill I can't move anymore. I am about fifteen feet off the ground and I settle on a large branch that could easily support my weight of about 80 pounds. I can see the wild dog jump and scratch at the tree as it gets closer. More dogs come, too all trying to tear my tiny body into peices, their dark black coats glistening in the moonlight. they howl and bark for hours on end. "Help" I scream. I know I am not that far into the woods so I am hoping maybe Thom or some other people can hear me.

The dogs eventually hear something in the distance and run towards it, giving up on me just like everyone else does. I start to move slowly down the tree and one of the braches below my foot I have been putting all my weight on snaps. I plummet dwon about eight feet and land on the hard ground. Suprisingly I don't think I broke anything so I try to get up but soon give up when I feel the blinding pain in my muscles which are tired and saor from the fall. I decide to just lie hear next to this tree and accept my fate. I look at the bright full moon and listen to animals in the distance until I hear something to my left. The shape of a figure comes into view, and that's when I black out.


	2. Friends

I wake up on my couch. I don't remember how I got here or how long it has been since I blacked out. I can see the sun's rays beaming in through the window and I smell something coming from the kitchen. No. It can't be him. I can hear voices coming from the kitchen and I decide to get up and see who is there. Surely it must just be Greasy Sae and her Granddaughter, which I found out her name is Lucy. Then I remember someone must have carried me here. I try to get up but I am quickly falling to the floor when someone catches me.

It was him. He looks worse than when I saw him a few weeks ago. He has purple bags under his eyes, but his weight has stayed relatively the same. He has scratches on his wrists which I can tell are self-inflicted. He, like me, has scars on his arms that wrap under the sleeves of his light blue button down shirt. I can't help but admire his light blue eyes which always have been as deep as the ocean, and shaggy blond hair that looks casually messy over his forehead.

He must see how I'm staring at him because he helps me up and I don't even notice it when I fall back down.

"Katniss" he says "Anyone home?" he waves his hand in front of my face and I blink and stand up with his assistance.

"Hello Peeta" I say, my voice barely a whisper. He helps me to the kitchen table and sits on a chair beside me. I see Greasy Sae and Lucy in the kitchen making what I can only guess is breakfast because I have no idea what time it is. "How long have I been out?" I ask.

"All night. I found you in the forest in the middle of the night late last night." Peeta answers

Sae places a plate with eggs front of me. Peeta rises from his chair to get the bread and slices it at the counter before placing two large pieces on my plate. "You need to eat" he says noticing my reluctance at the food. I haven't eaten more than a few bites in the past few weeks since I returned to 12.

I smell the fresh bread and I realize I am starving. I quickly scarf down my eggs and eat my bread. Sae looks pleased and then cleans up in the kitchen. Then her and Lucy leave me hear at the table with Peeta beside me. He sits there silent so I decide to ask what's on my mind

"Why did you come find me last night? We haven't even spoken for weeks and you come out into the woods to save me?" I ask

"You know why, Katniss" he replies. He then grabs my plate and his and goes into the kitchen. I think about what he said and can't help but see the old Peeta. My Peeta, he is coming back. The Peeta that loved me, that saw the good in me even when I couldn't.

He finishes washing the dishes and comes back towards me. "We should take a look at your ankle" he says. He helps me back over to the couch and sits me down before gently lifting up my pant leg above my ankle.

"It doesn't look broken but we should wrap it up" Peeta says

He gets up from the floor and into the cupboard to get a bandage. He comes back over and gingerly lifts up my foot and slowly wraps it around my foot. I stare at his blond eye lashes and see that concentrated look he gets whenever he does something. He finishes and then sits on the couch, making sure to have enough distance in between us.

"Why haven't you been baking?" I ask

"I don't trust myself with knives since the last time I used one I ended up hurting myself." He says "dr. Aurelius said to stick with painting until I can handle them. He also wanted to know if maybe we could talk, you know, to help with my memories?" he asks. He has smiles sheepishly and I can tell he doesn't know how I will reply.

"Okay, I would like that." I reply. I would love to talk to

"Great. Make sure to rest your ankle and get some sleep. I guess I will see you for dinner at my house tonight?" he asks before walking towards the door.

"Bye" I manage to get out before he leaves. I watch him go back to his place and then I go upstairs to my bedroom and lay down on my bed into a restless sleep.

* * *

_I am the woods running, running as fast as my legs will take me. I reach an open field and I am grabbed by a large man in a black mask and cloak. I am kicking and screaming and I see about ten other people in masks and cloaks approach where I am and are screaming "kill her" over and over. _

_The man holding me ties me to a tree and sets it on fire. Everyone is laughing and sheering while I am screaming and they take of their masks and I see everyone that died because of me. Finnick. Boggs. Cinna. And Prim, sweet innocent Prim laughing mercilessly at my dying wail. _

* * *

I wake up and I scream. I am shaking and I can tell by the way the sun is starting its voyage towards the horizon that it is late afternoon.

I decide to get up and take a bath. I draw the water and then carefully remove my bandage and then the rest of my clothes. I turn around and look at myself in the bathroom mirror.

The burns run from my torso and wrap around my arms and neck. They have turned a light pink and dead skin and scabs are spotted along the burns. I wonder is Peeta has burns like mine. If we are going to always going to be matching fire mutts, surrounded by nightmares and grief.

I soak in the bath and try to sort out my feelings about the boy with the bread. Surely he must want to be friends but could that ever be more? Could we ever find it deep enough inside ourselves to have the love that has been out of reach for so long. Will I ever be able to comprehend how I feel about him? I know I care about him, but could I ever love him the way he deserves. I think about the time in the Capitol. The conversation I overheard between Gale and Peeta. _She will choose whoever she can't survive without. _I once thought of that as just the cold, hard calculating words Gale always seems to say, but now I know which one I can't survive without. And I hope he feels the same way.

I get out of the bath and drain the water and decide to go find something nice to wear from my wardrobe. I pick out a casual evergreen shirt, with a material I can only guess is silk, and a plain pair of black pants.

I head over towards Peeta's house, which is very quick because he lives right next door. I walk up the porch steps and I am about to ring the doorbell when I hear a loud crash of glass breaking from inside.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I will post another chapter as soon as possible. Please review, this is my first Fanfic so it would be greatly appreciated if i could have some feedback! BTW the CF trailer comes out April 24 on MTV YAYYYY! :)**

_**~Tiffany**_


	3. Always

**Chapter 3 YAYY! I have been working really hard for you guys to post this up as quickly as I can, but I am having some writers block and could really use some help with writing a plot or with characters. Please review, follow, favorite, it would be greatly appreciated!**

I rush into the door before I can even think about it. I look around and I see a lamp on the floor in pieces. That must have been what made the crash. I run into the kitchen and I can see Peeta. He is in the corner shaking with his hands on his face. He must have heard me come in because he looks up and instead of his usual blue eyes I see his pupils dilating into a dark black void. He's having a flashback.

"KATNISS GO!" he screams. I know that if I leave I won't see him for what will seem like lifetime. I know Peeta would never hurt me on purpose, I decide to do what he would do for me. Stay.

I approach him slowly, worried that if I come to fast it will frighten him. I grab his hands and begin to whisper "Your name is Peeta Mellark. You live in District 12. The Hunger Games are over. Snow is dead. Everything is alright. You are safe."

His hands begin to unclench and his muscles relax. He opens his eyes and I can see the light blue ocean once again. He then wraps his arms around me tightly, he holds me with a force that if he lets me go he thinks I will disappear. I wrap my arms around him and I feel that comfort that protects me from all harm. "I'm sorry" he whispers

"It's not your fault" I reply. I feel terrible that he is in such pain and there isn't anything I could do. He, too, is plagued by nightmares which are probably worse than my own. I can't even wrap my head around why people can be so strong just to fall back down, how innocent they are and easy to crack.

"Here, let me look at your hands" I say.

"Whatever you say, Dr. Everdeen" he answers with the humor he can somehow always conjure up.

I look at his hands which are covered with blood from glass shards. I carefully remove the glass and wash them off. I wrap it up with a bandage "There" I say "You're all good again. Let's go clean up." We both get up and go towards the living room and carefully sweep up the glass from the wood floor.

"I have a surprise for you!" Peeta says, then leaves the room and goes to the kitchen.

I hate surprises, I think. They have always leaded to disappointment. Like when one year on my fifteenth birthday, when I was about to go trading at the Hob with my usual haul when Gale said he had a surprise for me. He covered my eyes with my hands and lead me towards the square and when I opened them I was at his house and my mother, prim, and all of his family shouted "Happy Birthday!" which scared me so bad I fainted. It was really touching and sweet but I am just not good with surprises or people screaming loudly at me all of a sudden.

I then go into the kitchen and see him pulling a large pot out of the oven. I then see a tray on the counter. I can smell it and could recognize it anywhere. _Cheese buns. _I should have known Peeta would remember that. I help by setting the table and then go back by the counter next to Peeta. He then goes to tend to whatever is in the pot and I sneakily grab two cheese buns and make a dash for the living room.

"OH No!" Peeta shouts "the Cheese bun Bandit!"

I can hear Peeta setting down the pot and running towards me I quickly finish one cheese bun and then see Peeta running towards my spot behind the couch. He is on the other side of the couch when I decide to run outside the back door laughing for the first time in what seems like centuries. It sounds rough and foreign but somehow it reminds me of how I can really be happy again.

He follows laughing me out the back door and out into the rain. I must have dropped the cheese bun already because it is not in my hand, but he continues to follow me anyway. We are outside in the pouring rain and he finally catches me. He grabs my wrists holds me there.

"Now that you have me what are you gonna do with me?" I ask

"Put you somewhere you can't get hurt" he replies, quoting my reply I said to him in the interview after our first games.

He looks beautiful, his shaggy, dirty blond hair dripping wet from the rain, eyes glistening with hope, and his lips curving into a sweet smile. His hand goes to my hair and gently removes it from its messy braid, combing through the wet strands.

I look into his eyes and see he then places his hands around my head and gently pulls my face towards his and our lips meet. His lips are gentle and soft. Our kiss is filled with passion and certainty. His hands move to my waist, pulling me closer. I know now that my boy with the bread is back, even though he has his moments he will always be there for me.

I can feel that thing again, that hunger from the beach. I move my hand to his hair and I can't help but hope I can live in this moment forever and hope Peeta feels the same way.

We pull away and I look into his beautiful eyes which show that he just felt as happy as I did.

"I'm sorry" he says "I shouldn't have done that. I just want to take it slow. I guess I just got caught in the moment." I knew he would say that. He is not hard to predict.

"Let's go have dinner" I say, trying to change the subject because I still don't know how I feel about what just happened.

We walk inside, hand in hand, towards the table. Peeta lifts the lid off the pot and I can smell it immediately. Lamb stew. Of course Peeta would make my two most favorite foods in the world for our reunion. He serves the stew into both our bowls. He sits to the left of me and we begin to eat.

The hot cheese sticks to the roof of my mouth and is sticky and delicious. The dried plums taste incredible and for the first time since I arrived to twelve, Peeta serves me another serving of lamb stew and I finish it all. He laughs at how eager I am to finish my food so fast.

He cleans up and then we sit on the couch next to each other and talk about the rebuilding, Lucy's upcoming birthday, and we try to work on his shiny memories. His memories seem to be crystal clear, all of them but ones that involve me. We eventually stop talking about that and move to a different idea that I came up with while watching the fire for weeks. I was picturing everyone that died and I found that my memories of them were fading away. I was forgetting and I felt terrible.

"Peeta," I say "I have an idea. We should start a book."

"Like the plant book?" he asks

"Yeah, but with people that aren't… you know here anymore." I say

"That's a great idea" he says and kisses the top of my head.

We continue to talk about the idea and we say we could start tomorrow. I can then tell how he is starting to get tired by the way his eyes blink more and he talks very slow. I then get up from the couch and he follows me to the door.

"Thanks for everything Peeta, I had a great night. I guess I will see you at breakfast tomorrow, then?" I ask. He gives me a hug and replies

"Of course. Goodnight Katniss"

"Goodnight Peeta"

I run home and can't help but smile and lean against the door when I go in. I had a great night and I know it is like a new beginning, the start of something good, and the start of a love that will grow like the primroses outside. I wish every night could be as good as this.

I walk upstairs, change clothes, and crawl into bed. Even though I thought it might be a good, dreamless night, I am quickly proven wrong as the tendrils of sleep pull me into a whole new land of nightmares.

All of the dreams have Peeta in them. The worst one was of him being tortured by the capitol with knives and they made me shoot an arrow at him, but I wouldn't so I had to watch him die and then collapse on my feet.

I wake up and to his voice, with him gently rubbing circles on my back. I won't dare open my eyes again. But I am comforted by his soothing words and as I fall asleep I whisper

"Stay with me?"

"Always"

**Reviews are always welcomed! I could use help! Please let me know how you like the story and how to make it better! **

**Till next time**

_**~Tiffany**_


	4. Cheese Buns

**Hello again guys! I appreciate those who are following this story and to the 1, count 'em, 1 reviewer! I could really use the reviews guys. I am working really hard to get out as many chapters out as fast as I can which has been very good as of late. I will post a chapter at least once a week but I don't have any steady schedule planned. Please review and let me know how I am doing. Without further ado… Chapter Four!**

I wake up in Peeta's strong, sturdy grip surrounding me. First the first time in months I wake up well rested and ready to start the day, but right now I don't want to leave this moment of comfort. I lay here and just stare at Peeta. The sun's light reflects off his eyelashes which are a shining bright gold color.

I watch the rise and fall of his chest and can tell he is still asleep. I don't want to wake him considering he looks so peaceful; he must be having a good dream. I shift a little to face him and he wakes up.

"Good morning" he says groggily

"Good morning" I reply

He then gets up from the bed "Let's go make breakfast" he says

I follow him downstairs and into the kitchen. He goes towards the cupboard and pulls out the ingredients to what I can only assume is bread and I am just about to sit at the counter to watch when he grabs my wrist.

"Not this time" he says "If you are gonna steal the cheese buns all the time, you are gonna learn how to bake them"

"Yeah right, Peeta" I say "You and I both know if I use that oven I will burn this house down"

"No you won't because I am going to help you" he replies

He takes out a large mixing bowl and he helps me put all the ingredients into the bowl. Making bread is such a complicated task; I don't know how he could ever find something so precise so easy. He then starts to put flour on the counter and shows me how to knead the bread. I try to replicate what he did but it just doesn't work the way I did with Peeta.

"Here, let me help"

He wraps his arms around me from behind and helps my hands with the bread. His grip is so gentle, yet so strong and makes me feel so safe. When he releases me to put the cheese buns in the oven, I grab some flour between my fingers and once he turns around; I smear it across his cheek.

"That wasn't very nice" Peeta says jokingly

He then grabs a large handful of flour and throws it across my face. Within seconds we are in a massive flour war; launching flour all across the kitchen. I begin to crack up when I see how Peeta is completely coated with flour and fall down towards the floor with my back against the wall and Peeta does the same beside me.

"You know, I think I could get used to seeing you covered in flour" I say "It suits you"

"You don't look bad either" he says

"But I think you missed a spot" he says before wiping another streak of flour across my forehead

We keep laughing on the floor until we are startled by the timer going off on the oven.

"I think the cheese buns are ready" I say. We both get up and go towards the oven. He takes the tray out of the oven while I go to get a plate for the cheese buns when I hear the pan collide with the counter with a loud crash.

I look back towards Peeta and seem him with his eyes closed tightly and hands gripped firmly on the edge of the counter. He is having a flashback. "Katniss GO NOW!" he shouts

At first I don't know if I should stay or not; I know Peeta would be ashamed of himself if he hurt me but I know I could help. I know he would always be there for me.

I decide to stay since it helped last time and I wrap my arms around him. "Not real, whatever you're seeing it isn't real, Peeta" he then turns around and faces me and instead of seeing clear blue eyes, I see two black discs.

He wraps his hands around my neck and shoves me towards the wall. I slam into it with a loud thud and a searing pain. "You killed my family, mutt! Now I will make you pay" he screams. His grip on my neck tightens and tightens and breathing becomes difficult. The pain makes it hard to see.

"Peeta stop!" I say "Stay with me" I whisper with all the strength I can manage.

"Always" I can barely hear him reply before I fall into a world of darkness.

_I am in a circular tube, much like the one from the platform to the arena, except this one is concealed at the top. There are small holes at the bottom. I see many blurry faces on the outside of the tube. I hear a loud buzzer and I can see water start to rise at my feet. The water continues to rise and rise until it is at my neck and I am struggling to breathe. I hear a voice _

"_Katniss, Katniss wake up!"_

I open my eyes to see two deep blue eyes right in front of me.

"Peeta" I say hoarsely

"Katniss" he says before lifting me up and holding me in a tight embrace.

"Alright lovebirds break it up." I hear him say. I haven't seen him for weeks. His tone is expected of him. I can't help but wonder, though, why he is here.

"Haymitch" I say

"Hello, Sweetheart"

Haymitch walks towards me and gives me and hugs me gruffly.

"Why are you here?" I ask

"I'm here 'cause your little boy here dragged me over here to make sure you were alright." He answers smugly. "And now that I know you're okay, I am going to go home. Don't want to keep the liquor waiting."

He walks out of the room and slams the door loudly behind him leaving me alone with Peeta.

"Katniss" he says coming towards me and holding my hands with his "I am so sorry. It was the flashback, I couldn't control it. I thought that they were getting better because I hadn't had one in so long but this one was stronger and"

I stop his rambling by pressing my lips to his. at first he is hesitant and I can tell he must not want to get close again to just be broken apart. He then gives up and his hands go to my waist and pull me closer. When we break apart I can't help but wish we wouldn't because I knew exactly what he would say next.

"You should go get some rest" he says

"Stay with me?" I ask

"Not this time" he says before walking out the front door, leaving me by myself, wandering within my own thoughts.

**Thank you for reading! R&R! Let me know who you want to see come up in the story! I am sorry the chapters aren't very long but it is my first Fanfic in a while so I am a little rusty. I will try to post at least one chapter a week but I don't know how long this story is going to be yet. Bye!**

**May the odds be ever in your favor**

_**~Tiffany**_


	5. Real

**Okay, so I have been working REALLY hard to get chapters out quickly so they aren't that long, sorry. I don't know where I am going with it and I could use some feedback. Also, if you like this story, make sure to check out my One-shot Innocent. Please rate and review!**

I walk up the stairs in disappointment. I understand now that I just left my heart out for Peeta, and that proves my previous thought that it is better to keep to yourself and let your emotions stay hidden. That is surely much safer than to show your weakness and put your feelings out there just for them to be shoved away.

I crawl into bed and pull the covers up to my head. It feels so empty here without him. I have never needed someone this much in my life and I feel so weak that I depend on one man to keep me safe. I can be my own person if I want to.

I look out the window from where I lay. The moon shines over my front yard and makes the blades of glass glisten with life. I remember when Prim asked every once in a while why each morning the grass had dew drops. I answered "Because every night, the night fairies would use their wands and place tiny little drops on every single blade of grass so the world would look as beautiful as you"

It's that little memory that sends me over the edge. I slide out of bed onto the cold hard floor beneath. I put my head in my hands and sob. I cry for Prim; for all the little things about her that I will never see again. I cry until my waterfall of tears goes dry.

I don't know how long I have been crying, but I do know I will not go back to sleep tonight. I look out my window and into Peeta's. The houses are identical so I can look right into his bedroom window. I hope he is having a better night than I am. He has been through enough already. I am tempted to go over to his house but I know he doesn't want me; he made that very clear already.

I decide to look at the clock and it is like five in the morning. The sun is beginning to rise over the horizon. Its rays beaming into the dark void that is district 12. I want to see how the rebuilding is going but I know that I am not ready to go into town. I wonder if Peeta has gone into town. No, there is no way he could handle his flashbacks there with his family and old home in ashes.

I look into the mirror at my hair and see that all the bald spots are almost gone, but there are still those stupid uneven spots. I get dressed in a green t-shirt and tan cargo pants that fall down over my ankles. I comb through my dark, brown hair and braid it in my usual side braid. I look almost like the old Katniss, except for the ring of purple bruises around my neck. I know it wasn't his fault but it makes me feel

I throw on my father's hunting jacket and go downstairs and into the study. I grab my bow and sheath of arrows. I take long strides all the way out the back door of my house, out the gate, and into the woods. I feel free. My feet crush the new fallen leaves beneath me. Winter is coming soon. The bitter cold will numb all life and the snow will trap people in their homes. I run towards my old hunting grounds and take my bow off of my shoulder.

I hear some rustling behind a tree. I grab an arrow and notch it back into my bow. It has been so long since I have used a bow that my arms aren't used to the strain, but I persevere. I point it swiftly towards my target and release. Now I understand why I always liked hunting. It helps me concentrate on just on my target and block out all the other thoughts that consume me.

I walk over towards my prey and see that it was a squirrel, and even though I am out of practice, I managed to hit it in the eye. I grab it and begin to skin it. I sit against a tree and look at the beauty that is these woods. The birds are chirping. There are auburn leaves dying and falling gently to the ground. I have always loved the woods in the fall. The array of orange, red, and brown leaves covering the soft dirt. Although it symbolizes the soon start to winter, it is full of life.

The sun is now high up in the sky and I know I should get back. I shove the squirrel into my game bag and start to head back home. I want to start the book, today. I wish we could have started it together yesterday.

The paper arrived from the capitol late two nights ago. I had to talk to Dr. Aurelius to get it. I found an empty book on one of the bookshelves in the study and I placed both on the table in front of the couch for us to start. I even dug into one of my cupboards to find Peeta's paints he left here from the last time we worked on the plant book together.

I enter the back door and see Greasy Sae and Lucy in the kitchen.

"Hello child!" Greasy Sae says. "You went hunting?"

I nod and hand her the squirrel from my game bag. She looks impressed and takes it and puts it in the fridge. I walk to the table and sit next to Lucy. She is sitting there with some paper and appears to be drawing something.

"What are you drawing, Lucy?" I ask

"It's a flower like the ones outside." She says "They are very pretty."

"Thank you" I say "Peeta planted them for me. For my sister"

She seems to sense my unease because she wraps her arms around me. I hug her back, can't help but feel bad for Lucy. She has seen so much for someone so young.

"What did I do?" I hear the door close and see Peeta walking into the kitchen. He has a white t-shirt on with a pair of blue jeans and his hair looks casually messed up, like always.

"The primroses" I say "Lucy said they look pretty."

"Thank you Lucy. Your drawing is much better though." Peeta says looking at her drawing on the table in front of her. I can't help but notice how good he is with kids while he helps her finish her drawing by guiding her hand to make the primrose sketch turn into a piece of true beauty.

Peeta and Lucy clean up the drawing and put it aside because Greasy Sae begins to put plates of food in front of Peeta and me. On the plates are a biscuit and an omelet. I quick dig in because the hunting has left me famished.

Before they leave, Lucy comes up to me and hands me her primrose drawing and places a kiss on my cheek. "Bye Katniss" she says and runs out the door, following Sae.

I sit at my seat and admire the drawing while Peeta cleans up our plates. This gives me the idea to call my mother. I head towards the telephone in the living room and dial her number. It rings about three times before I get an answer.

"Hello" she says timidly.

"Hi mom, it's Katniss" I reply shyly. I honestly don't know how she would react to my call

"Katniss! It's so good to hear from you, sweetie. I have missed you. I wanted to call but Dr. Aurelius said to wait for you to call when you are ready." She says

"How's District 4?" I ask, wanting to change the subject.

"It's beautiful. The ocean is so calming. You should visit sometime. I know Annie would love to see you. Did you get the photo she sent? It is a picture of her baby, Lucas. She is about six weeks along."

"That's wonderful!" I say, even though I don't know how you could bring an innocent child into the world at a time like this. "I will make sure to look at my mail, now."

"So how are you Katniss?" she asks. I knew that question was coming I just don't know exactly how to approach it.

"I'm okay. I have had worse days. I went hunting today" I answer

"That's great. How is Peeta?"

"We have been talking for the past few days. But… he had a flashback yesterday and" I say before my mother cuts me off

"Did he hurt you?!" she shouts as I hear Peeta coming towards me. "I knew I shouldn't have left you there alone. I know you like him sweetheart but it just isn't safe. You shouldn't be alone with him."

"But mom, I care about him and I need him." I say quietly, not wanting Peeta to hear me. "I have to go now. Goodbye, mom" I say before I can hear her lecture. I hang up the phone and walk towards Peeta who is on the couch looking at me.

He stands up and holds out his arms. I don't hesitate before I go into them. I cry onto his shoulder, soaking his shirt. He nuzzles his face into my neck and holds me tightly. We break away and sit down onto the couch.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" he asks, referring to my phone call with my mom.

"No" I say "Let's start working on the book."

We work quietly. I write down what we can remember about each person, the little things that complement their personality and character. Peeta paints them if we don't have a picture. I manage to find the photo of Annie son and put it along within the pages. We start with those who are easier to do and fresh in our minds like Boggs and Mags, and work our way to the ones that are either too sad or too painful to recollect.

I occasionally look at Peeta paint, the way his eyebrows crinkle down when he focuses. I look at his eyelashes twinkle and glisten from the sun and I am reminded of when we did this with the plant book. Sometimes he will catch me looking but then we both look away. I look at his eyes, which are a shimmering blue, and wish they would lock with mine. Then, I look at his lips. They are slightly parted and look so soft and gentle it takes all my strength to look away and go back to my writing.

We work for hours. The sun is starting to set when Peeta suggests we go outside to watch the sunset. We walk out into the back yard and sit on the grass facing the horizon. We sit beside each other, close enough to touch, but neither of us is daring enough to cross that barrier yet.

The sun is majestically falling over the horizon with layers of red, yellow, and a perfect orange, when Peeta decides to break the barrier and puts his arm around me.

"Katniss" he whispers. "I am truly sorry"

"Peeta, it's fine, really." I say

He gently traces over my neck where the bruises are and I can see tears forming in his eyes. He looks into my eyes and I see something else too. I see that lust that I saw the night on the beach. The sunset's beautiful colors make his eyes shine brighter than the sun itself. They glisten with purity and hope, the two things I need most.

In the sunset I see the two things to symbolize both me and Peeta; the red that is my color of fire and strength and the bright yellow that Peeta shows in his heart.

"Katniss" he whispers "I will always be here for you. I am sorry I couldn't stay last night I just didn't know if I could handle myself."

"It's okay, I understand" I reply softly "Just remember I will be here waiting for you...Always"

Right there, in that moment he leans forward slowly and presses his lips to mine. Instead of the hesitance of our last kiss, this one reflects desire and passion. It shows how he loves me and how that won't ever change. I know I won't be the first to pull away and I doubt he will either.

I can feel that thing again; that hunger I felt on the beach. _I knew this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction, and only Peeta can give me that. _

And I know that I could never love anyone like this but Peeta. It has truly been him all along, ever since he threw me that bread. He has saved me in so many ways there is nothing I could ever do to repay him, but that isn't why he stays. He stays with me not because of debt, but because he loves my fire and passion. He loves me in a way no one else does and I know life can be good again as long as he is by my side.

_So after, when he whispers __**"You love me. Real or not real?"**_

_I tell him __**"Real"**_

**That was my longest chapter yet! I thank those who are reviewing and I especially want to thank TeamPeeta1223 for being my inspiration to write a story. This won't be my last chapter so don't worry about that but it is by far, in my opinion, the best one I have written. **

**BTW the italic parts are the ones I quoted from the end of Mockingjay. **

**Thanks for reading and make sure to review and look out for my next chapter!**


	6. Old Friends and New Lovers

**Okay you guys are awesome! I posted the story about three days ago and I have gotten so many views! I want to thank WriteRight8 for reviewing and giving me great feedback. I hope you guys liked the last chapter because it took me literally all day to write it and thought it was pretty good. I just hope I am not going too fast but I honestly don't think it took them too long to talk to each other. I hope you guys like this chapter as well.**

We sit there together in the grass and the sun disappears leaving us in complete darkness. The only things I can see are Peeta's bright blue eyes beaming back at me.

"Do you really mean that?" he asks.

"Of course I do Peeta. I love you." I reply. The words sound almost foreign to me. I have only spoken them to two other people and they are both gone.

"I love you, too." Peeta says "I always have."

Peeta yawns and I know we should go inside. It has been a long day. He stands up and reaches his hand out for me. We walk hand in hand back inside and strait upstairs into my bedroom. I crawl right into bed because, even though I am fully dressed, I am freezing.

Peeta then follows me into bed and wraps his arms around me. We go in this together, and I hope we always will. I wish I could stay here in his arms forever, the feeling of love and care that comforts me as I fall asleep.

"Goodnight my Mockingjay." Peeta whispers and then kisses my forehead. In this moment I don't know how I have waited so long to tell him how I feel. I have known I loved him ever since he was taken by the Capitol. I think I just didn't want to put my feelings out there for them to never be seen again, lost in a world of hate and cruelty that was the old Panem.

I lay here in Peeta's arms as all my thought s disappear and I drift off to sleep.

I wake up and Peeta isn't there. I peer into the bathroom and I see that he isn't there either. Betrayal is the first thing I think when he isn't there. I told him I love him and he just leaves. Then I smell something from downstairs. Of course, he went to make breakfast. I don't know why I always think the worst of people. I guess it's because people in general have always caused me pain.

I walk downstairs and into the kitchen and I see Peeta standing behind the oven, pulling out a loaf of bread. I am glad Peeta has been baking lately, it has seemed to be helping him cope and recover.

I go over towards him and sit on the counter beside him.

"Good morning." Peeta says and comes over to where I sit on the counter. He places a soft kiss on my cheek and then goes back to his cooking.

I go to sit at the table as I hear someone burst through the door. I don't even need to look in the direction because I already know who it is.

"You could have knocked." Peeta says

"What fun would that be, boy?" Haymitch shouts back. He is obviously completely wasted. He goes over and sits across from me at the table. Peeta must have either invited him or knew he would show up because he places food in front of him and me before coming over and sitting next to me.

"How are you doing, Haymitch?" Peeta asks, trying to make a civil conversation. I wish I could be as nice as Peeta is but it's just not in my nature. If Peeta weren't here I would probably shoving Haymitch out the door because I hate being around his snarky attitude when he is drunk.

"Have you two been reading your mail lately?" he asks. Now I get a little panicked.

"Not today. Why? What's going on?" Peeta replies frantically. I can't tell he just wants to know already and isn't in the mood to play Haymitch's little games.

"Effie is coming to District 12" he says "She's gonna be staying here for a while. She said the Capitol isn't any fun anymore."

My muscles relax. I am kind of glad Effie is coming to town. It would be great to see her again. I have always admired her and have wanted to talk to her after the rebellion.

At the same time though, I don't know if it will be good for Peeta to have her around. It might cause him bad memories and flashbacks. I wonder if Effie was ever even told of his condition. Peeta seems to realize what I am thinking too because he shoots me a worried look.

I finish my breakfast quickly and clean up the dishes. Haymitch tells us to check our mail and then walks out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He must have tripped over the steps because I hear a loud crash outside the door. Peeta and I walk quickly to the window and sure enough, we burst out laughing when we see Haymitch sprawled across the yard. Peeta gives me the "should we help him?" look and I just shake my head. We laugh and stare out the window as Haymitch crawls back to his house.

We eventually leave the window and go sit on the couch. We sit next to each other and Peeta wraps his arm around my shoulders. We talk about little things like how he found Buttercup tearing apart a mouse on the porch this morning, making snarky comments about Haymitch, and the upcoming arrival of Effie.

About an hour passes when the phone rings.

"You gonna answer that?" Peeta questions.

"Are you?" I snap back

"It's not my house." He says politely with a toothy grin.

I get up from the couch and I answer the phone "Hello?" I ask

"Hello Katniss. I am so glad you picked up the phone for once. How are you doing?" Dr. Aurelius questions.

"I have been doing alright. I have been taking my medications and I have been speaking with Peeta." I say quickly. I always know what questions he will ask and I like to just say all the answers so I can get off the phone as fast as possible. I am not a very friendly person and Dr. Aurelius knows that very well.

"Good to hear. Have you two been into town lately? I hear Thom wants to ask Peeta something important." he questions. I hear Peeta coming towards me. I quickly say goodbye and slam the phone onto the receiver.

"Who was it?" Peeta asks.

"Peeta, have you been to town yet?" I question.

"Actually, I was waiting so I could go with you." He replies kindly. I feel touched that Peeta would say that. After all he's been through; he is still looking after me.

We walk hand in hand towards the center of District 12. I know this will probably be harder for Peeta than me because of the fact his family all rest in the ashes. It is getting very cold and I know that it is almost the end of fall.

I see people walking around, I know Sae told me that people returned but I haven't ever seen them since I arrived. There are people rebuilding everywhere and I can't help but feel bad that I haven't been doing anything to contribute

I feel Peeta's grip tighten in my hand as we go near a certain ashen building. I look around and I see an apple tree and that's when I realize it's the remnants of the bakery. All the mornings I would trade with Peeta's father on the back porch, The times Prim would drag me to the window to look at the cakes, that one day in the rain where Peeta threw me the bread.

I turn to look at Peeta and I can see I tear rolling down his cheek. I can tell he is trying to be strong, but this place was his life. His entire family died in that house and I can't even imagine how hard this must be for him right now. Before I know it, Peeta releases my hand and walk swiftly towards the old bakery.

I can see metal pots and pans that seemed to have made it. The bigger appliances seem to be in usable condition, as well. I can see the framework of the building and the steps to enter. I wonder how the apple tree still looks the same, though.

Peeta begins to tremble and his hands grab his hair violently. At first I can't tell if he is having a flashback or he is just having a breakdown.

"Katniss GO!" he screams. I don't want to have him be upset if he hurt me so I decide to run to go get Haymitch. I sure hope he is sober. I burst into his house expecting the overwhelming smell of liquor but instead I am welcomed to a clean living room and the smell of lemon cleaning fluid. I dash into the kitchen and I see Haymitch in front of the stove.

"Haymitch! Peeta" is all I can make out before Haymitch turns off his oven and drags me with him out the door. We sprint towards the bakery and we push our way through the crowd that has now formed in front of it. Sure enough, Peeta is on the ground screaming profanities and yelling louder than I have ever heard.

His eyes lock with mine "Mutt!" he shouts. I back away as Haymitch goes up to him and grabs his shoulders, making him look at him. Peeta tries to strangle free but Haymitch somehow keeps him steady. Peeta then falls to the floor from exhaustion.

Haymitch throws Peeta's arm around his shoulder and I put is other around mine. We shove our way through the crowd and head back to the Victor's Village. I kick open my front door and we gently lay Peeta on the couch.

While Peeta sleeps, Haymitch and I make small comments on the rebuilding. "Enough small talk, why is your house so clean?" I ask blatantly

"Wanted a change" he answers plainly "Besides, I had nothing better to do yesterday anyway."

I can tell he isn't answering truthfully. "It's because of Effie isn't it?" I question, raising my eyebrows mischievously. After he doesn't reply I know my suspicions were right. I think he knows that too because he just rolls his eyes.

"She can grow on you." He says. They must have been talking a lot lately then. I always wondered what happened to Effie during the rebellion, but I bet Haymitch knows. I could tell by the way they would argue that they had some kind of relationship I didn't know about.

"So, is she staying with you? Is that why she is coming? I mean, I know she would want to come to see me but, you know, besides the obvious." I say trying to bring a little humor to the awkward conversation.

"Yes, yes, and not a chance, sweetheart." He answers, giving me a snarky grin. "Just hope she isn't too peppy or I will be over here a lot more often."

Haymitch and I joke about Effie and the Capitol for a few more hours and before I know it, it is nighttime. Haymitch yawns and walks out the back yard to his house. His house is right to the right of mine, while Peeta's is to the right.

I walk over to the couch to see if Peeta is awake yet. Surely, he is still sound asleep by the slowness of the rising and falling and his chest. It is amazing how much Peeta and I know each other.

I decide to walk outside to the back porch and look at the stars. My father used to bring me outside every night and show me shapes in the stars. I think they were called constellations. We would look at the stars until I would fall asleep and he would carry me back inside.

I keep staring up at the beautiful little lights until I hear someone behind me. Thinking it was Peeta, I stay where I am and don't look to see who it is until I hear the tread of their footsteps. I look up and I see the familiar gray eyes looking back at mine.

_Gale_

**How was it?! It took me five hours to finish this chapter! I didn't know how to continue or how the characters would be with each other so I just went with it. I am trying to bring in some older characters so let me know who you want to see next! Make sure to keep an eye out for new stories and chapters and if you like this story make sure to read Innocent. **

**Until next time,**

_**~Tiffany **_


	7. Author's Note

Okay guys first things first; I apologize for my inability to post new chapters to this story. I am currently on summer break and I just finished my eighth grade year in school which was very busy. I also am busy with swim team and marching band so I haven't had the time. I appreciate everyone who has still been following this story and thank especially _Syrina Kamar _for inspiring me to keep writing because I didn't know anybody really liked this story. I really want more feedback from now on because otherwise I don't know what you guys want to happen. This is also been a very stressful week for me so these chapters may be a little depressing just because of a family member who is currently terminal and I love him very much. I really love everyone who has written comments and really appreciate you guys. I will definitely be working harder to post more chapters. I also would like to start a new story so if anyone has any ideas I'm open to anything you want to read. I wrote this because it is my favorite story line that I wanted more closure on. Thanks.

Yours truly,


	8. Open the Door

**Hey guys! I want to make this note short… I am going to be trying to get out as many chapters as I can before I start high school in a couple weeks but I am slow writer. I want to get 5 reviews before I post the next chapter please! Well, here's the long awaited chapter 8.**

**I don't own THG, that is all suzanne collins'.**

* * *

I stare at him. The face for months I never had wanted to see again. The person who always could make me smile on the worst of days. It's hard to believe that almost three years ago we were hunting in the woods that morning before out world was turned upside down. The boy that used to be the only person I could trust and rely on to keep Prim safe during the games. Prim. The memories flood in like the dam that held them all at bay has burst and my head is spinning in all directions. I don't know how to react. Instinctively I swiftly reach out and slap him across the face with all the force I can seem to conjure up in my arm that isn't as strong as it used to be.

He doesn't hit back which just infuriates me more. He doesn't look insulted. It's like this is what he expected. I immediately feel somewhat remorseful.

"Katniss" Gale says gently. He reaches out his hand to my face but I just turn away. "I'm sorry" I didn't expect him to apologize. It isn't like him. He looks older. His eyes are distant and hurt. He has built up since our time in district 13. His arms are strong as they envelop me in a tight embrace. I don't pull away. I just stand there stiffly and wait for him to let go.

It's almost surreal. Gale is right here in my backyard. I am face to face with him. _He killed Prim. _I snap out and start hitting him over and over. My head spins about a hundred miles an hour. I am in tears struggling while sobs wrack my body as a punch him. I go to my hands are sore and I can't go anymore. He must understand but he grabs my hands when I am done and we go inside and he sits me down on the couch. I lie down and cry when the memories overcome me.

I am Katniss Everdeen. I live in District 12. Prim is dead. Gale killed her with a bomb. No. He didn't mean to. But that doesn't mean his appearance won't always remind me of her. Gale used to be the only person with whom I could be myself; my hunting partner; my best friend. A reminder of who I used to be. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that time. I used to think that it must have been simpler, less confusing. I then remind myself that although I would have my little duck and my life would be what I used to define as normal and Peeta would be the healthy, youthful, and happy sixteen year old boy that could have brothers and I father that were there for him. That he could have his memories and life back. I remember the horrible way we all used to live. The reason we are all broken. The horrible dictatorship that controlled Panem that is the reason we fought. And it all started with a simple spark that caused a large inferno; my refusal to play by the rules. It was all because of me, the simple handful of berries that implied so much more than a deadly fruit. Who knew that a strong, controlling government, standing for seventy-five years could be torn down by something so simple? But in reality it wasn't about the berries. It was about hope. I was the first to get my way. This showed that rules can be broken. There is always something to fight for.

I hear the front door shut and I know he must have left. I almost feel guilty but that anger has been a year in the making. I remember when I used to do anything for him, including take a whip to the face. Now I just feel cold and empty at the thought of his name.

I drift asleep, exhausted at the excursion from my released anger. I toss and turn while nightmares consume me and drown me in sorrow and fear. I see explosions killing innocent children. I run out to save them but by the time I get there all there is to see is flames; the bodies of kids littering all around. I scream for help but I am alone surrounded by this horror and madness.

"Help them!" I shout and I wake abruptly and shiver at the horrible nightmare. I am still on the couch in the living room. I run to the bathroom and vomit up whatever I have left in my stomach. I look in the mirror and I look like a mess. My face is pale, lips chapped and raw; the pink remnants of the horrible explosion scattered and wrapping around my skin. The ugly scar from where Johanna cut out my tracker has become very faint but there all the same.

I take off my clothes and take a long shower to process everything. Gale is back in District 12. I wonder where he is staying. I haven't had the courage to go into town and how he is able to finally come here is definitely a big step for him.

I get out of the shower and quickly get changed and head downstairs. I grab a cheese bun Peeta had made for me a few days ago after his futile attempt at teaching me. Eventually he will learn it isn't possible. I'm not teaching him to hunt, so hopefully he can spare me on that part.

I don't know if he knows that Gale arrived here yesterday. I just don't know how he will react and I hope that he doesn't have any episodes. I hope I can be the one to tell him first so he doesn't get the news first. By taking a glance outside I can see the sun rising and I decide to grab my bow and go out hunting.

I take the shortest route to the woods and I crawl under the fence. It isn't electrocuted anymore so I don't need to look for any weak spots. They were considering taking it down because of the decrease in dangerous animal population but they keep it up just in case.

I walk briskly listening and just taking everything in around me. I take my usual route, resetting the traps and putting the animals in my bag. I have gotten better at snares since all the practice with rope in District 13 with Finnick. I manage to shoot a couple squirrels along with a couple rabbits caught in my snares and I put them in my game bag and walk back home.

I drop my bag on the table and grab the animals from my bag. I skin the squirrels and rabbits and put them in the fridge. It is kind of calming to be doing the same routine. These little things that have been a constant motion for me for so many years I can do them without even thinking.

I decide to take some game over to Peeta's mainly just as an excuse to get out of the house. I normally would take some to greasy Sae's but today I don't want to risk running into Gale.

The sun is shining brightly and its very warm outside that makes me grateful for the air conditioning in the Victor's Village houses. Growing up in the Seam we used to have to fan ourselves with cardboard to manage the heat.

I knock on Peeta's door and within a couple seconds he opens the door.

"Hey, I just wanted to bring some game." I haven't seen him in a few days and it seems like a lifetime ago after everything going on lately. He steps aside, holding the door open for me to come in. I walk in quickly and set the game in the fridge.

"Have you seen Gale?" He asks. Crap, it's not like I did anything wrong but something about him already knowing sets me on edge.

"Yes," I answer. "He came to my house yesterday."

He waits for me to continue for a few moments but as soon as he realizes that I am not he speaks up. "And? What happened?" he looks nervous .He walks to the living room and sits on the couch. I follow suit and sit a few inches away from him.

"Nothing happened, Peeta. I just… got angry." I respond. I don't know how to continue without bursting into tears so I don't. I have to keep it together and be strong. I wish I had my best friend back. I wish I could look at Gale without being reminded of destruction and despair. He used to be the only real friend I had.

Peeta notices that I don't want to talk about it. He knows about the bomb that took my sisters life; the bomb that was created by Gale. He moves closer so we sit right next to each other and he wraps his arms around me. I hug him tightly, knowing that everything is fine as long as he is safely right here with me. I know I am not going to be the first to let go. A few moments later he releases me all too soon. I look into his shimmering blue eyes that are staring back at me. He smiles at me shyly. I can see that he is still worried about Gale and I.

"Peeta I don't have any feelings for Gale." I blurt out. I am not good with words so I just tell him straight.

"But are you glad he is back? I know how you feel about him since… the Capitol, but aren't you somewhat glad that he is here? He was your best friend and I think it would be best if you talked to him, to sort things out." Of course, he still looks nervous, like somehow me talking to Gale is going to change how I feel about him. "I know you still want to be friends with him but just remember I'm not holding you back." Why is he always like this? He always thinks he is some kind of place holder and that I am always going to just go to Gale when it's convenient for me.

I'm not good with words so I just move forward and press my lips to his. He is hesitant at first but eventually he succumbs and we both pull away gasping for our breath. Our faces are so close that our noses our still touching.

"Do you know where he is staying?" I ask Peeta. I figure it is best to just get this over with so Peeta can stop worrying.

"In one of the houses here in the Victor's Village." he answers. "I think it is the one across the street. The one you went to after the Quell announcement."

"Okay, I am going to talk to him. I will see you later for dinner." I say as I get up off the couch and make my way towards the front door. Peeta follows my and gives me a hug when we get to the front porch.

"Thank you, Katniss. It means a lot to me." he whispers next to my ear. He kisses my forehead and releases me. I make my way slowly across the street, dreading the conversation and the questions that are going to be coming my way. I have many questions for him as well though; questions that need to be asked sooner rather than later. Gale has probably prepared himself for these questions already. I make my way up the steps to the porch and approach the door with caution. When did I become so afraid of everything? I knock on the front door with confidence. I shouldn't be the one with anything to be afraid of saying.

I hear steps approaching the door and before I know it I am face to face with Gale, again. I walk through the door without waiting for his permission. I catch a glance of myself in the window and wonder why I couldn't have combed my hair before I came over but I don't feel embarrassed. I refuse to feel like the one who has anything to hide.

I take a look at Gale and I can see he knows what is coming. There are bruises on his arms and one on his cheek. I almost feel somewhat guilty for hitting him but I don't. I feel satisfied that maybe he can go through some of the pain and agony I have for the past three years.

"Katniss" he says, breaking the silence "I'm sorry. I didn't know how they were using the… weapon. I didn't know they were going to drop it there. I didn't mean for it to kill Prim. I was only doing what I was told to do by Coin. " I see he spent no time getting straight to the point. Almost like he has had that mini speech planned in his head for the past six months.

"But you meant for it to kill someone!" I yell. Just because he hadn't planned it for Prim doesn't mean it wasn't created to kill people.

"Katniss I had no choice! I had to do what was necessary to win the war! Someone had to do it!" he exclaimed. "I just had to contribute somehow! I apologize Miss Mockingjay not everyone had it as simple as filming propos all the time! I needed to help the war effort in the best way I could, I didn't know how they were going to use it."

"Gale," I reply softly. I try to keep it together but the tears start falling before I can stop them. Gale opens his arms and I don't hesitate to go into them. He smells like pine to which I realize that he must have been out in the woods.

"Why are you here?" I say, still enveloped in his embrace.

"I wanted to see how you were doing." He answers. "I did come and visit while you were still… recovering. So I have been calling Haymitch and he said that he could use more drama, he was drunk of course, but he also said that you could use a friend. I think he is trying to get you off his back but I decided that it would be best If I came as soon as I could." He smiles faintly but I still won't look him in the eyes. I don't want to give him any wrong impressions.

"Katniss look at me." he says gruffly as he grabs my chin and makes me face him. "I still have feelings for you. I want to know how you feel about me. We used to be so close. We are made for each other. Remember how everyone in the Seam had no doubt that we would get married someday? You can't honestly tell me that you never thought about that."

Before I know it he takes my face with both his hand and kisses me with more passion than ever before. I go along with it at first but then stop abruptly. This is Gale's desperation that has built up since District 13. I pull away and take a few steps backward.

"Gale this isn't right." I say.

"I knew it. You are never going to stop loving him are you?" he shouts. "He isn't himself, Katniss! He isn't the Peeta you used to know. He is a mutt!" he continues. He stops for a few seconds and takes a step towards me but I just step back towards the door again.

"He could hurt you." he whispers softly.

I run out the front door and sprint as fast as I can to my house. In a way he is right, Peeta isn't the same person I used to know. He isn't the same boy that saved my life that day in the rain. But he is still a thousand times better than Gale. He would never insult Gale for his benefit. Peeta still has that boy in him that went into the games with me. He is still the boy who proclaimed his love for me just to help me, the boy that teamed up with the careers just to keep me safe.

I run into my bedroom and cry on my bed. I just want my best friend back. I just want someone I can talk to. I don't know if that will be possible for Gale to accept. I won't lose hope, though. I will be brave and I will stand up for my life. It is all snow's fault. My life is a whirlwind of chaos but I will not succumb to it. Snow cannot win.

I hear a knock at the door and I glance at the clock. It is around 6 o'clock. Peeta's here. I don't know how I will explain what happened with Gale but I know I will have to, but it doesn't matter. Peeta knows me better than anybody. The only person who I know will always have my back is standing right at my front door, waiting for me to open up. He doesn't just come in. He lets me make that step on my own. He lets me make my own decision. He doesn't force his way in my life, unlike Gale, he only cares about making me happy.

So without hesitation, I run down the stairs and open the door.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys! I made it a long chapter since it's been sooo long. Rate and Review and don't forget to leave me some new suggestions for a story and for new characters you want to see in the next chapter! BTW the new Theatrical trailer was amazing! ;)**

**Till next time,**

**Tiffany**


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